It's been a rough day for me. Every day I try to regain control over my mind, and some days it's exhilarating and hopeful, and other days I get exhausted and angry. The anger is a hindrance of course, but it's difficult to dispel. I used to be capable of so much more, on the inside. Nowadays it takes the entirety of my attention and focus to speak in my head with my own mindvoice - something that happens naturally and by default for most, and used to for me as well. There are many other similar limitations that I don't know how to combat, and today my limitations are all I can think about. It's a negative cycle, but I doubt it will last long. Every day my mood and thought patterns are slightly different - I can count on that, at least, and it's a relief to do so.

This blog is showing me that I really have nothing to say. I mean, I do, of course, a million things to say, all boiling in me, drowning me - but either due to my limitations or my own inadequacy as a writer I can't seem to pull any of them out. It's frustrating. I mean, I've never been amazing at it - it's why I've never been able to maintain a blog for very long. The medium I'm best at is discussion, conversation, interaction - which is why I did my best writing and playing on reddit. but things are different now, and so here I am, talking to myself, substanceless and boring. I'm nothing without the input of the world around me, but I can't even find that world anymore through all this invisible, maddening interference that keeps me from myself and doesn't let me think and keeps me from the things I love so much. And so I'm angry.
I'm glad this day is over.