I'm not really satisfied with yesterday's post. I don't think it quite communicated what I really wanted to say. But that's well within the parameters for this blog, of which the only purpose is practice.

Writing is sometimes more difficult for me than at other times. There have been periods where I've sailed through the process, communicating exactly what was intended, and there are periods where trying to string words together feels like stumbling down the street. It's hard to be articulate too when there's nothing significant I'm really trying to say. The truth is that most of my ideas for writing are pretty heavy shit, philosophy and cultural trends and human nature and all that stuff feels so heavy sometimes I feel like I can't get out from underneath it.

But the more I continue, I'm optimistic that I will improve at bending my creative process to my will, and then I'll be perfectly free to blog about trends or cartoons or internet memes and may actually be entertaining about it too - which at this point is something I can only vaguely imagine.

As a general rule, though, my thoughts tend to gravitate to the big, grim, and heavy. Not too grim, most of the time, since I still believe in humanity and all that shit. I guess I also believe in other things now too.

And here I go now thinking about diving into the structure of perception and alll that, but I really am tired of that kind of thing. And I wonder if it would be okay to just let go of it. All my models and conceptual frameworks brought me to where I am, but they haven't taken me anywhere new in a decent while. I used to be so proud of them, but it turns out pride is difficult to maintain when its only justification is in decaying echoes bouncing around in your head.

I just don't know what to do with me and my rattled brain. My aim at this point is simple: keep walking, keep my eyes open, smell the wind, feel my body, just be in the world. Why does it feel so difficult?